It’s not only a Woman’s Role

During the 80s I was a hands-on dad as I just lost my job it was fun it was exciting and it was damn demanding. But! I learned so much from my children. All my time management skills I owe to them. My two sons, in turn, have become hands-on dads.

Today, however, times have changed, more and more dads have become involved with their children, from pushing prams, bottle feeding and changing diapers. I’m extremely proud of my two sons as they are fantastic with their kids and make it look so simple.

An article in the Daily Mail caught my attention, the title was the “Rise of the hands-on Dads”. According to Sadie Whitlock, she states that the detached dad, turning up his nose at parenting duties, is a myth.

A new government survey was done and found that 3,881 fathers across the U.S. who lived at home with their families between 2006 and 2010. Of the 1,790 men with children aged under five, 90per cent said were hands-on dads and bathed dressed and changed diapers. Seventy-two percent of the dads said that they fed and ate with their children daily.

Eighty-one percent of fathers were engaged in playtime activities but when it came to Reading less than 29% found the time to read to their children. Dad’s with children aged 5 years old to 18 only 30% said they help with homework or checked up on the daily progress.

 Two thirds (65per cent) made an effort to engage in conversation about what had happened in the classroom. The nationally representative survey shows fathers’ involvement has increased slightly since the government first asked in 2002, coinciding with research since then that bolsters the benefits of hands-on fathering.

These new results are very encouraging and important to the child’s development. The more involved dads are with their children’s mental and emotional development the more the child would flourish. Joe Jones a leading researcher found there were more academic success less behavior problems and healthier eating habits.

The more dads became involved in their children’s daily activities their children’s wellbeing was assured. The survey speaks volumes. During the baby boom years, mothers were the nurturers and carers and dads were the breadwinners. 

My Dad would run a mile when it came to feeding time but I will say he told us lots of stories and occasionally read us a story, he normally fell asleep halfway through the story.

As those roles shifted, so did the view that mothers are the only nurturers. Jennifer Bellamy, Sociologist from the University of Chicago  who also studies fathering, said some old stereotypes persist.

I am doing the most important Job in the World.

Dads are sort of the co-pilots in their families,’ absent or less involved than moms. But she said the survey confirms that fathers ‘are quite involved in a variety of different and important ways.

Here is a case study of Robert Loftus, 34, of Yonkers, New York.

He resigned from a six-figure sales job a year ago to care for his two young children while his wife works full time. ‘Times have changed,’ he said. ‘We’re trying to rethink our priorities and family seems to be the “number one” priority whereas in the past maybe people were more focused on career.

He says he is doing the most important job in the world. Don’t underestimate your role as a Dad. Your kids will always need you no matter what age. 

Read my blog on First Time Dad a Personal Journey

Download the Hands on Dad Survey here!

Getting dads involved – Watch Video Below!

Keeping a stiff upper  has long been a hallmark of masculinity. ‘Real men’, we are told, hide their feelings. It’s precisely this unrealistic expectation we place on the male of the species that is responsible for so many men putting off getting tested for prostate cancer until it is too late. That, and fear of what the result will be.

They fool themselves that it’s perfectly normal to keep running  to the toilet or to stand at the urinal for 10 minutes, with nothing more than a dribble coming out.

Read Jeremy Clarke’s searing account of his prostate cancer treatment in this week’s Mail — from testosterone depletion to growing breasts — was so brave. Like many other men, he had left it too late before he got the dreaded diagnosis.

The prostate gland is a male reproductive organ about the size of a walnut whose main function is to secrete semen.

But it can cause problems out of all proportion to its size when it becomes cancerous, so it’s suprising that it hardly got a mention when I was at medical school. It wasn’t until I was a junior doctor in A&E that I started to appreciate how important it can be. […..] Read more

How to treat an Enlarged Prostrate

Benign prostatic hyperplasia, better known as prostate enlargement or BPH, is an incredibly common medical problem in which the prostate grows in size. Though the severity differs for all of the affected, up to 90% of males will develop BPH by age 80, with many experiencing it far earlier.

BPH is a well-researched and treatable disease, and while it can often be managed through simple home remedies, professional help is available for those with more severe symptoms.

Get active and exercise frequently

To help with an enlarged prostate, make sure you’re staying active and engaged through mild, low-intensity activities like walking. Look for exercises that put your waist and legs to work through gentle motions, bringing circulation to the area around your pelvis.

• Avoid generally stressful exercises, like heavy weight training, and exercises that add extreme, repetitive stress to the pelvic area, like cycling and rowing. These can irritate the area around the prostate and make your symptoms worse.
• Kegel exercises, like tightening the muscles around your scrotum and anus, can help strengthen your pelvic region and reduce symptoms of BPH.

Lower the amount of caffeine and alcohol you consume.

Coffee, soda, energy drinks, hot cocoa, tea, alcohol, and similar diuretics can weaken your bladder and add to any urination problems you’re already experiencing. Cut down the amount of caffeine and alcohol you drink, taking particular care to not consume any 3 to 4 hours before bed.

• If you have trouble cutting down, try slowly reducing your intake over a series of multiple weeks.
• Switch to non-caffeinated beverages if you have trouble cutting out sugar.

Alpha blockers are specialty drugs that can help your bladder muscles relax, relieving some symptoms of BPH and making urination easier. Alpha blockers are most effective for those with moderate prostate enlargement. Ask your doctor about prescription drugs like terazosin, doxazosin, tamsulosin, and alfuzosin.

• Because alpha blockers were originally used for people with high blood pressure, the most common symptom experienced is decreased blood pressure.
• Alpha blockers can lead to decreased ejaculation and should not be combined with erectile dysfunction medication.
• Check with your doctor before using alpha blockers with erectile dysfunction medication, blood pressure medication, medicine to treat HIV/AIDS, antibiotics, antidepressants, or water pills.  Special thanks to  Janice Litza, MD  for this  review.

FEAR

Stop scaring yourself, make that appointment with your doctor it will save your life.

“How Do You Spell FEAR? Almost all fear is:

Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real

This is a practical way to remember what we are doing to ourselves when we are afraid.”

Click here for more information –  Benign prostate enlargement NHS 

Enlarged Prostate a Big Problem – Watch Video Below!

Sex and Your Teenager

I would rather be cooking my favourite dish than discuss sex with my children. The talk doesn’t get any easier because I am stumbling and fumbling and turning all shades of red. It’s so hard to talk about sex,  experts are saying we should be talking to them about the facts of life at an early age from junior school upward. What do You think?

I must admit I was the coward and let my wife do the explaining. I would only nod in agreement. My adult boys have their own families now and I chuckle to myself how stupid I must have sounded. We would like to think it’s other parent’s kids having sex, not ours. I plucked up the courage when they were teenagers and spoke about feelings, values and how important it was to treat a  girl with a certain amount of respect and dignity.

My wife was marvelous and would come to the rescue if I was stuck for words. She would speak to my sons about not treating girls as sex objects, plying them with booze and then taking advantage of them. I told them about protected sex and the consequences of unwanted pregnancies. It became easier to talk about sexual matters as I was becoming more at ease with the topic. It was so good to talk to my grown-up kids I was the one getting the sex education.

Those awkward moments 

If your child is asking questions about sex, they’re ready for truthful answers. It’s never too early to start talking about it find out how to go about it. Children are naturally curious about their bodies and other people. By answering any questions they ask, you can help them understand their bodies, their feelings, and other people’s feelings.

This is a good basis for open and honest communication about sex and relationships, growing up and going through puberty. Talking to children about sex won’t make them go out and do it. Evidence shows that children whose parents talk about sex openly start having sex at a later stage and are more likely to use contraception. NHS

Talking to your teenager about Sex NHS 

Most teenagers would like to talk to their parents or carer about relationships and sex. It might seem difficult, but here are a few ideas on how to start the conversation.

However, you bring up the topic of sex and relationships, listen to what your teenager has to say. You can then use this to let the conversation develop.

For example, if they mention condoms, check that they know why it’s important to use them, where to get them and how to use them.

Talking about sex and relationships with your teenager won’t make them want to start having sex, but it will help them look after their sexual health when they do.

Try to listen calmly, even if what they say surprises you or you disagree. Let your child know your opinions, but reassure them that you trust them to make their own decisions.

If you lose your temper or criticise them, they might feel like they can’t talk to you in the future.

Ask your teen what their friends think

Ask what your child’s friends think about the subject. This can be a way of talking about your child’s thoughts and fears indirectly.

For example, if you see a pregnant woman, you could say, “When I was a teenager, we were scared of getting pregnant. Do your friends ever worry about that?”

You could then talk about why it’s OK not to have sex, and where young people can get contraception if they are planning to have sex.

Talk about sex little and often

Don’t have one big talk about sex. Make it an open, ongoing topic. Have lots of little talks whenever the subject comes up, and start before your child is a teenager.

Let your teen know that they can talk to you about anything that’s on their mind.

One of the easiest ways to bring up the topic is during everyday activities like washing up or watching TV. This makes it less of an event.

You can use the storyline in a programme, or a celebrity in the news. For example, you could say, “What do you think about the fact they’ve had sex?”

Listen to your child’s answer. You could then talk about why it’s important to use a condom and contraception to protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and pregnancy. Make sure your child knows where they can get them. Don’t sound judgemental or critical.

Ask your teenager what they’re learning about sex and relationships in school lessons. Ask what they think about this. Find out if there’s anything they don’t understand, and if their classes have raised any topics they’d like to discuss with you.

Listen to what your Teen thinks about Sex

Ask your teenager how they feel about things, such as waiting to have sex with someone they care about.You could say to them, “Do you think it’s worth waiting until you meet someone you really care about, and who cares about you before you have sex?”

You can use this discussion to talk about the risk of pregnancy when a boy and a girl have sex, and about getting contraception ready before having sex.

You can also discuss who your child thinks should be responsible for contraception. Make sure they understand that it’s up to both partners to think about using condoms and contraception.

Make sure you know the facts about sex

Sex is a large topic. It covers how our bodies work, pregnancy, relationships and feelings, types of contraception and where to get them, STIs, tests, treatment and more.

If you’re confident in your knowledge of these topics, you’ll be able to answer your child’s questions more readily.

If you don’t know something, say so, but let them know you’ll find out. Look up the information and share it with them, or look it up together.

NHS Choices, which has lots of information on sex and relationships, is a reliable source of information.

Other organisations include:

• Brook
• Family lives
• FPA

What if my Son or Daughter is Gay or Lesbian ?

Your child might be gay, lesbian or bisexual. If so, they still need to know about safer sex messages, including how to protect themselves against STIs and pregnancy. They might use a discussion about sex and relationships as an opportunity to come out (to tell you about their sexual orientation).

Whether you have sexual contact with men or women, you can get and pass on STIs, so it’s important that they know how to protect themselves. See sexual health for women who have sex with women and sexual health for men who have sex with men for more information.

If your child is gay, they still need to know about contraception. People who identify as gay or lesbian might have sexual contact with people of the opposite sex, so it’s important that they know about contraception and how to avoid unintended pregnancy.

Coming out as Gay NHS

It is the right of every child to grow into a Flourishing Adult !   It is our responsibility to ensure that they Do!

Sex and relationships watch the Video !