Archives for February 2018

It’s a Bungle of Joy

I was in fits of laughter this morning when I read an article about a mother who put 400 condoms in a kitchen drawer for her sons. Read more   What would you if you found out your daughter was pregnant or that your son was going to be a Dad? The Parental reaction goes something like this…  To my daughter –  “Are you sure you are pregnant”? Oh God! why could you not wait.. what will the neighbours say.?..   To my son -” I will kill You” are sure You are the Dad,…. how do know it’s your baby?. I wrote a Post on Being a Single Dad  there is plenty of information to give you direction, please read it will help you.

Welcome to the world of Parenting. It never stops does it? nor should it because  Your Son or Daughter is going to need all the emotional support and the financial help, till they can find their feet as a responsible Parent, and beside You are going to be a grandparent. Smile!

It just has not sunk in yet, you are still in a state of shock or perhaps a little excited,  but it will hit you later when you see your daughter with the bump and it starts growing bigger. Or your son driving you crazy with books of babies names. After you have gotten over that feeling of anger or what will the neighbours think mentality,  ( who cares!).  Your whole perception starts to change and you start to mellow and you want to tell the whole world you are going to be a grandparent.

You and your partner lovingly sit down with your teenager and discuss future plans for them and the new baby. I know this can be a bit overwhelming for all parties concerned as neither of  You envisioned this for your children. You had plans and dreams for them to become successful in their careers. Right now, that does not matter – Their welfare does and your mental attitude should be a healthy one, not a judgemental one or throw in the guilt trip. “After all, I have done for You ”  yawn!  blah! blah! blah!

The deed is done and once again you have to assume the role of Super Dad or Super Mum. I did not say Superman or Wonderwoman.You automatically assume the active role of  going to the doctor or the clinic with the young parent and you give them as much support and love unconditionally. This will be a trying time but also a very exciting one for the whole family.

Teenage Pregnancy Support

Finding out you’re pregnant when you’re a teenager can be very daunting, particularly if the pregnancy wasn’t planned.

If you decide to continue with the pregnancy, there are a wide range of services to support you during pregnancy and after you’ve had your baby. Your midwife or health visitor can give you details of local services. 

Find out the signs of pregnancy and where to get a pregnancy test.

If your pregnancy test is positive, you may experience a lot of emotions:

• excitement about having a child
• worry about telling your parents
• anxiety about pregnancy and childbirth

You should talk through your options and think carefully before you make any decisions about your pregnancy. Read more about your pregnancy choices.

Who offers support for pregnant teenagers?

If you’re pregnant and on your own, it’s even more important that there are people you can share your feelings with and who can offer you support.

Sorting out problems, whether personal or medical, is often difficult when you are by yourself, and it’s better to find someone to talk to than let things get you down. For more information, see coping if you’re alone. 

The following national organisations can also give you help and advice:

• Worth Talking About – if you think you may be pregnant, you can get confidential advice from the Worth Talking About helpline on 0300 123 2930
• Brook – if you’re under 25, you can visit your nearest Brook service for free confidential advice, or use the Ask Brook text and web chat service from Monday to Friday, 9 am to 3 pm.
• the national sexual health line offers free confidential information and advice on sexual health, relationships, and contraception on 0300 123 7123

In many parts of England, teenagers pregnant with their first child can get extra support from their local Family Nurse Partnership. A specially trained family nurse visits your home regularly from early pregnancy until your child is two. You can get in contact with the scheme yourself, or a professional like your midwife, GP or teacher can refer you.

The Young Woman’s Guide to Pregnancy is written especially for women under the age of 20 and includes the real pregnancy experiences of young mums. It is produced by the charity Tommy’s and is available free to 16 to 19-year-olds through the

Can I carry on with my education while I’m pregnant?

If you’re pregnant or a mum, you’re still expected to go to school until the end of Year 11. If that’s not possible, the law says your local authority has to provide an education suitable for you.

Your school should not exclude you on the grounds of pregnancy or health and safety issues to do with your pregnancy, and they can’t treat you differently because you’re pregnant. You will be allowed up to 18 calendar weeks off school before and after the birth.

If you leave school at the end of Year 11 until you’re 18 you still have to either:

• stay in full-time education – for example, at college
• start an apprenticeship or traineeship
• work or volunteer (for 20 hours or more a week) while in part-time education or training

The law says colleges, universities or your apprenticeship employer are not allowed to treat you unfairly if you’re pregnant or a mum.

Further or higher education

You can only get maternity leave or maternity pay under employment law, which means very few students are able to get them.

If you’re a student, you should be able to take maternity-related absence from studying after your baby’s been born. How long you take will depend on your own situation and your particular course.

The Equality Challenge Unit has a guide on student pregnancy and maternity (PDF, 345kb) which is written for higher education colleges.

Apprenticeships

Apprentices can take up to 52 weeks’ maternity leave. If you’re an apprentice, you may qualify for statutory maternity pay.

Maternity Action has more information about maternity rights for apprentices.

Help with childcare costs

If you’re under 20, the Care to Learn scheme can help with childcare costs. You can apply if you’re going to study at school or sixth form college or on another publically funded course in England.

You can’t get Care to Learn if you’re an apprentice who gets a wage or if you’re doing a higher education course at university. 

For more information about Care to Learn, call 0800 121 8989 or email Learner Support.
Who can help me find somewhere to live as a pregnant teenager?
Many young mums want to carry on living with their own family until they’re ready to move on. If you’re unable to live with your family, your local authority may be able to help you with housing. 

Some local authorities provide specialised accommodation where young mothers can live independently while getting support and advice from trained workers.

For more information about housing, contact your local authority.

What should I do next?

You may not be sure if you want to go ahead with your pregnancy. You need accurate information so you can talk through your options and think carefully before you make any decisions.

If you’re not sure what to do, you can discuss it with a healthcare professional. Whatever your age, you can ask for advice confidentially from:

• your GP or practice nurse
• a contraception or sexual health clinic
• NHS 111 – available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year

Your decision is your choice, but don’t delay or ignore your pregnancy, hoping it will simply go away. Your options are:

• continuing with the pregnancy and keeping the baby
• having an abortion
• continuing with the pregnancy and having the baby adopted

If you decide to continue your pregnancy, the next step is to start your antenatal care.

If you decide not to continue with your pregnancy, you can talk to your GP or visit a sexual health clinic to discuss your options. You’ll be referred for an assessment at the clinic or hospital where your abortion will be carried out.

The Family Planning Association has information about your pregnancy choices.

Professionals at your sexual health clinic can also give you information about contraception.

Find your nearest sexual health service.

Read more about ending a pregnancy.

Courtesy:  NHS SERVICES 

-Watch Tania tell her story – Being pregnant at 16-

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Read;  Think you are ready to have children? Hilarious new parent test taking mummy blogs by storm MIGHT just put you off… 

Recommended Reading

    

 

From the time I was a stay at home Dad, I made sure I kept fit daily even if it meant pushing my kids in a buggy to and from the creche.When they were little, I took them to the park every day. They joined the Judo club and my wife and I would take them swimming. Now they have their own children, they have carried on with the fun and games and keep fit tradition. My eldest twelve-year-old granddaughter has taken the trophy for swimming twice in her school sports and my other granddaughter made her own chocolate. I still enjoy rolling on the floor with my grandchildren. 

According to the Daily Mail, too many four-year-olds are not ‘physically ready’ to start school as they have become a couch potato. They are struggling with basic balance and coordination skills such as managing to walk in a straight line. Researchers warn that problems cut across social classes, with youngsters spending too long in car seats and turning to iPads and iPhones instead of physical activity. Read more ……..

Tips for spending quality time with Your Kids

Play with them

It sounds easier than it looks but you have to be like a child or childlike to have the best time with your kids. I was rolling on the floor with my kids having a ball. Well, unfortunately! they’re too big now, but I love playing with my grandchildren. They just love putting makeup on my face and lipstick and jewelry – I keep very still and sometimes I can’t contain my fits of laughter they, of course, will burst into giggles. These are such beautiful moments which I treasure. Of course, it makes their day when my wife says to them “Good Job!

Read to your children

Children just love reading and looking at pictures. Their faces light up when you read them bedtime stories, from their favourite storybook. Read them a chapter a day.My daughter insisted that her cat sits on her bed while I read her a story about animals. As a treat, I had brought them some biscuits and milk

Use paper crafts                      

Kids love to colour in pictures and cut out pictures. Show them how to cut out a face mask, you can play act using your mask, You can teach them how to press flowers and leaves. If they are older do a paper mache project with them. When my daughter was ten we did a paper mache map of Europe together for her class. She painted the mountains of Europe and the oceans. She beamed when she presented it to the classroom. Be creative make play dough

 

How to make play dough 

Ingredients:

1. 1 Cup Plain Flour.
2. 1/4 Cup Salt.
3. 1/2 cup of water.
4. Food Colouring.
5. Mix well till you get a nice soft pliable dough.

Teach them how to cook

Children love helping out in the kitchen, my 4-year-old granddaughter makes her own chocolate cookies and she’s so proud of her handiwork. Now she makes ice lollies. Make this a weekly thing and you’ll be surprised how much you can learn from them and it’s fun spending time together. See my blog …. How to teach your kids to cook

Let them develop their own creativity

Give them a large cardboard box – Cut out windows and a door and let them go mad with painting the house or let them build a small house with you. You supervise the cutting they can glue the pieces together.

Go on picnics

I love a picnic and toddlers love a picnic make it spontaneous. Give them a surprise pick them up from school take them to the park. Have a picnic on the lawn. If the weather was sunny  I would treat them for a  swim at the local baths. By the time they came home, they were exhausted and ready for bed.

Play games any kind of game 

We used to play hide and seek in the house  I was the Boogeyman there were shrieks of delight and genuine fright when I caught them. The house was a mess after the game but who cared they were having fun and so as I a bit exhausting though.
Build a tent with a sheet you don’t need to buy them expensive toys or an expensive dollhouse, let them use their imagination. I took the dining room chairs and put a large sheet over the chairs, they brought in their toys and their food and they sat under the tent for a couple of hours and invited their friends over.

Lasting memories

Giving quality time to your kids instead of saying ‘not now’..… stop what you doing and play with them for an hour, watch their faces shine  how they interact with you it’s priceless -you can look back and remember the days you played with them for one hour. You wont that opportunity again.

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Watch the Video: The decline of Play

How to plan for retirement

These are the Facts

A shocking research reveals millions of elderly people approaching retirement have no pension, no savings and large debts. It’s a worrying picture for senior citizens who cant afford to retire, with some elderly folk eking out an existence on £25 a day. The major study, from insurance giant Aviva, found one in five people over the age of 55 still had a mortgage.They have a home loan of £60,440 which will probably eat into their monthly income. The situation is even worse for people over 75 according to the report about 4 percent are still paying off a mortgage with £100.000 outstanding.

According to Clive Bolton, the director of Aviva said that as a nation more needs to be done to save for retirement, He says that it is vital to put aside a small amount of money every month otherwise, we risk a life of struggle in our golden years surviving on a measly income.

The report highlighted the fact that there is a huge divide between people with gold-plated nest egg savings and we talking about pensions, investments, bonds etc as compared to those who have no savings or investments at all. Another survey reported that a further 29% have less than £2,000 which could be wiped out by a sudden say expense, for example, a new car.

A growing number of people have to touch these savings because the interest paid is so little. Only a small minority of shrewd investors have savings of £100,000. The biggest challenge for people to save is having children late in life which means their children depend on them for financial support throughout the school years and higher education when the parents are reaching retirement age. See report

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How to save for Retirement

According to financial experts, rising inflation is expected to erode your buying power, learn how to save money, learn how to invest for retirement, and hopefully this article will help you plan to save for your retirement.

I would suggest that you seek professional advice from financial advisors, you will need every dollar to make your savings grow. It’s a very ambitious undertaking it will take knowledge, patience, and skill.Every skill is learnable.Getting proper advice does not cost you a penny, there are lots of information on the internet about retirement and savings for your perusal.

Resource your public library for more information, I normally check financial reviews, a word of caution be careful of the scammers and don’t sign up for anything. Take a free online financial class from Coursera.org and MIT Open CourseWare. Your local college may also offer financial classes.Get free financial advice before thinking about investments. Speak to your financial adviser at your bank

Learn how to budget

Save as much money as possible avoid unnecessary spending. Have a cast iron savings plan aim for 50% of your taxable earnings. Cut down on luxuries do not spend money every time you see something.Be absolutely aggressive with your savings. Spend your money only on essentials food, transportation, household utilities etc.Shop around for the best prices buy things that will appreciate in value.
Read books or watch basic television channels instead of paying for cable television, cook your own food instead of dining in restaurants, quit smoking.

Learn to live simply on modest means, and always look for free or economical alternatives. Always think of opportunity cost: the dollar you spend now could have turned into many dollars by the time you retire. Smart spending will provide the foundation for saving money for retirement.

Find out more about the 401 (k) Account USA

If you live in the USA, you may be able to avail yourself of the 401(k) account. 401k plans are the most popular employer-sponsored defined contribution plans available today. Every contribution that an employee makes to the plan entitles an employee to a tax deduction. 401kcontributions that are taken directly from your paycheck are free from income taxes.

But, with employer matching your funds, you can double your investment immediately, and then hopefully your fund investment will increase in value. 401(k) accounts also offer tax advantages; inquire and read about them. You may be required to contribute at least a minimum amount to qualify for employer matching (to save about 10-30% of your income).

Remember that 401k’s are taxed upon distribution; so try to estimate what the tax rate will be when you take your money out. Estimate your tax before using withdrawn money; you need to hold back enough for paying those taxes.

Develop an investment plan known as a portfolio for your saved money

A portion of your money should be delegated to stocks, another portion to bonds, perhaps another portion to commodities like gold and silver, also have a savings account. The reason for diversification is to reduce risks and maximize returns. By not having all assets in a single asset, you are less affected, if the value of one component of your portfolio crashes.

Diversify within each asset class of your portfolio by assigning a weight to each sub-class. Buy stocks both domestic and foreign, from every sector, and of any market cap. Buy both government and corporate bonds. As for gold and silver, buy physical metals to take possession. Don’t trust others to store your valuables for you that you bought at high costs. Don’t buy gold and silver more than 10-15% over spot, or else they would have to appreciate a lot for you not to lose money when you need to cash out. Gold and silver coins over 100 years old may be considered better than bullion because they have numismatic value in addition to their intrinsic metal values.

Consider changing your assets into a form such as life annuity where you could not lose it, if you are sued whether you have too much to lose or just enough to tempt a swindler. You can be certain that some people like to try to pick pockets that have discoverable assets. Attorneys of anyone who may sue you will use compulsory discovery processes and you can be required reveal your assets. Avoid seeing your life savings go to others accounts. Also, purchasing “umbrella” liability insurance for more protection may be a good plan. Your insurance agent will tell you your options and how much your should get.

Reduce risk when nearing retirement

Reduce risk when you are nearing retirement by avoiding high-risk investment. Reduce the portion in your portfolio delegated to risks such as stocks and increase the portion in safe investments including municipal bonds and cash. Chances are, the market will decline or even may crash when you need to be taking out your money. What can go wrong includes not having time or opportunity to recoup losses from dire events in the market, and you might have to postpone retirement — if you did not reduce your risks to the minimum.
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Learn to earn passive income in your spare time: Become a Wealthy Affiliate

Read Rich Dad Poor Dad: I gave a copy to my son available on Amazon

Watch Video: Four steps to early retirement

A New York City-based millennial who retired with $2.25 million says this is the key to saving from CNBC.

Love at First Fright

Nothing has changed much down the ages when it comes to love and marriage. I guess I am one of the fortunate ones who are happily married after thirty-seven years. It has not been an easy road but we faced the ups and downs of life together with laughter, fears  and tears. 

I was once asked by a colleague what was the secret of a happy marriage. I replied jokingly. “Say yes to everything and do the exact opposite”. I am no expert on divorce. It’s difficult to ascertain when a relationship should end with divorce. Emotions run high which could muddy our thinking when it’s time to pull the plug on a relationship.

Not singing from the same page

Who communicates perfectly at all times? Not many couples. Perhaps we have nothing to say. If you have nothing to say about anything then it’s time to address the issue. Marriage has its ups and downs. Some last for a split moment or days or even weeks. If however, it drags on then it’s time to talk to a professional.

I am putting in all the hard work

If you feel that you are giving it your best shot and the other partner is not reciprocating or not sharing your feelings or spending time with you.  Or you are not inclined to share anything with your partner,  your marriage could be going through a rocky patch. If you feel the marriage is going nowhere it’s time to talk to a marriage counsellor.

Tips for a stress-free divorce NHS

Separation can cause problems such as stress, uneasiness, discouragement and frenzy attacks according to Paula Hall, a Relationship psychotherapist at the philanthropy Relate.

“This can influence sleep, which can cause tiredness, depletion and an absence of center and fixation,” she says.

“There’s a considerable measure to consider amid a separation, especially taking care of kids, telling your folks and managing their feelings, moving house, isolating belonging, setting up financial balances, and proceeding with your activity.”

Read article on How to survive a divorce with dignity

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 Paula identifies seven crucial steps for coping.

 Accept the reality of your situation

Ask yourself questions about what happened and try to understand what went on beneath the surface. For example, if the other person had an affair, try to understand what led them to do that. Similarly, if you grew apart, think about how you’ve changed since you first met.

Manage your emotions

The most common emotions people experience during a divorce are grief, fear, anger, resentment, doubt, regret and guilt. At this early stage, in particular, you need help and support from friends. You also need to give yourself time and space. Some techniques of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can really help, such as changing negative thoughts and learning how to be optimistic.

 Develop strategies for personal growth

Recognise your strengths and your weaknesses, and develop an action plan. The action plan involves setting goals. For example, if you know you’ll struggle with loneliness, decide how you will deal with this. This will build your self-esteem and help you manage your feelings, such as missing someone.

Friends and family support

Identify your support network. Think about the people who are already there for you. But also recognise that some relationships may be challenging, such as friends who will be hard to socialise with or a family member who might say, “I told you it’d never work”. Think about the relationships you want to strengthen. If you’re fairly good friends with someone you work with, see them more often. Or maybe you could renew contact with someone who has been through a divorce.

Deal with money and practical matters

Think about your financial and practical resources and challenges. This might include how to release some of the equity in your house, or how you can make money during the free time you now have. It may also include things as simple as how to use a lawnmower or the washing machine, or how to cook for the children when they’re staying with you. It’s often these practical things that make people feel like they can’t cope.

Communicate effectively with your Ex-partner

This is another area that can cause a huge amount of stress. If you have children, learning to communicate effectively is very important. This involves trying not to get angry, managing your emotions, and entering into conversations with a clear idea of what you want to achieve without getting drawn into old arguments.

Set goals for the future

It’s important to adopt the belief that “today is the first day of the rest of your life”. This could mean being single, being satisfied, dating and finding love again, as well as realising your hopes, dreams and ambitions.

“Divorce can be devastating and painful, and there will be bad days,” says Paula. “But negative thinking leads to negative emotions, which lead to bad health, so it’s important to try to think positively.”

Paula is keen to stress the potential for a positive outcome. She says:

“Divorce is an opportunity for change. There are lots of things you can’t do if you’re married. People compromise and put things to one side, such as hobbies or even careers.

A divorce is an opportunity to think about the things you loved but maybe time to let go, while recognising that you can reshape your future.”

Find out more information on:

anxiety
depression
panic attacks
stress

Read I used to hit my husband’

Where did the Spark Go?

Where did the spark go? 75% of couples say their relationship has lost its passion read more

Recommended Reading 

 

 

Raising a child is tough for any family. Imagine! looking after a child with special needs the stress and worry for the child’s future can devastate any parent. The cost incurred is astronomical for a disabled child, unfortunately, there is not enough professional or financial support. Have You ever wondered how parents cope with children who have special needs?

How do Families cope with Disabled Children?

A parent whose daughter was disabled was interviewed by a Daily Mail Journalist to get some idea what life was really like being a carer and a parent. Sue Baker, 46, and her husband Dennis, 47, who runs his own business, have two children – Lawrence, a 22-year-old student, and eight-year-old Natalie, who has Down’s syndrome. They live in New Malden, Surrey.

Sue narrated the touching story that when Natalie was born Sue was 38, and because she was under 40  never felt particularly worried that, as an older mother, there might be anything wrong with her baby. She didn’t have any ante-natal tests because she knew she would never have an abortion.

Her daughter Natalie was born in a birthing pool in hospital. Both her husband and son who was then 14, were with her to give her support. Sue recalls what a  beautiful experience it was. Dennis her husband was bowled over that they had a little girl, apparently she was the first female to be born on his side of the family for 24 years.

About two hours later, she was on her own when the pediatrician came in to look at Natalie. He was a young doctor and seemed concerned. He told Sue that her baby had Down’s Syndrome. He even suggested she leave the baby at the hospital so they could arrange fostering. Her thoughts were racing with so many things in her head firstly how would her husband accept a child with Down’s Syndrome. How would her son react to having a disabled sister.?

The nursing staff was trying to comfort her but insisted they contact her husband b Sue insisted they don’t make contact. When her husband arrived the matron asked Dennis to come into her office. Dennis saw the worried look on his wife’s face and went straight to his daughter’s cot. He laughed with relief, shouted: ‘She’s not dead!’ I replied: ‘Of course she’s not dead. But she has Down’s syndrome.’

“Almost simultaneously, my husband and son shouted: ‘Is that all? It doesn’t matter.’ Dennis picked Natalie up to cuddle her, and Lawrence rushed to join him.

I shall never forget the relief, knowing that I was not alone. We started asking the staff questions about Down’s children. All three of us were determined to give Natalie everything we could.

Had we known of the difficulties that were to come, we would have felt more daunted by the enormity of what we were taking on.

Not that I have ever regretted Natalie’s birth, but the problems, both practical and financial, that come with her have been never-ending.

I was lucky. Over the next five days, the doctors assured me that Natalie had none of the heart or hearing defects often associated with her condition. Even so, from the day we returned home, I was unprepared for the army of support services we would need.

Unlike a baby who develops normally, we learned that Natalie would need constant stimulation, both physical and emotional, to ensure she reached her potential and, more importantly, being as independent of us as possible.

In the eight years since her birth, my whole life has revolved around her needs, 24 hours a day.

At first, it was simply her feeding that was more time-consuming since Down’s babies are slow to feed.

Potty training, too, took much longer and Natalie remains in a nappy at night.

The psychological adjustment to the idea of being the parent of a disabled child took me a long time to get used to. When passers-by looked into Natalie’s pram I would say ‘She’s Down’s’, before they had a chance to open their mouths. I think this was a defence mechanism just in case anyone said something hurtful.

As Natalie grew older and began to show a strong and charming personality of her own, I began to allow myself to stand back and let her simply be herself.

By two she was attending the local playgroup, and is now, as a result of my insistence with the local authorities, in mainstream schooling. I had to fight for this, but at last Natalie has two full-time support workers at school.

The alternative would have been for her to go to a specialist school that catered for her educational needs but might leave her unable to mix with people of her own age.

Instead, Natalie has many friends, goes to Brownies and ballet lessons, and is as much like any other eight-year-old girl as it is possible for her to be. She can read and write and is obviously bright.

It is exhausting being a carer, and the longest break I have had without Natalie was a few days staying with my sister last year.

Her father also takes her swimming and horse-riding at weekends, in order to give me some much-needed time on my own. It is wonderful to see how close they have grown. It makes me wonder how I could ever have believed he might reject her.

My greatest fear is that something will happen to us before Natalie has learned how to look after herself properly.

I don’t think it is fair to expect Lawrence to look after her, although he loves her dearly. My greatest hope is that by the age of 25 she could be capable of living totally independently. In spite of all the difficulties, Natalie has brought more sunshine into my life than I ever thought possible.

Courtesy Daily Mail

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• Mencap   Learning Disability Help Line
• Tips on caring for a disabled child NHS